(this was taken the day I found out I was pregnant! and just a few days after new brace face so I'm feeling awkward when I smile)Jensen and I have been trying for about a year and a half to have a baby. Anyone who's had any sort of fertility issues knows this is extremely frustrating and emotionally draining. As soon as I wanted a baby it was on my mind constantly. I have never prayed or cried so much in my life.
I would give myself little goals for when I wanted to be pregnant by. Of course I wanted every month to be THE MONTH. I would think things like maybe by Christmas I'll be pregnant, that would be the most exciting Christmas present ever. Maybe by the time my family comes to visit I'll be pregnant. Maybe in February I'll get pregnant. Then I'll have an Octobor baby. October sounds like a good month to have a baby.
For the past year or so my cycle was very irregular which made this whole process even more annoying. Several times I would be 10 or 15 days late, and have taken many pregnancy tests that come out negative. Almost every month I would obsess over what day it was and when I was supposed to be able to get pregnant, and each new month I wasn't I would tell myself I would make a doctor's appointment to figure out why. I kept putting that off month after month. I was nervous to go, and nervous to find out what might be wrong with me. and with each new month i would think maybe this will be the month. I don't need to go to the doctor yet. I also had a feeling I had PCOS. But since I diagnose myself with a lot of diseases on my own I decided that was just me being silly.
And then it finally happened.
Over the past year and I half I prayed so hard to be able to get pregnant. But I also prayed to be ok with not getting pregnant. I felt like Heavenly Father wanted me to be totally happy with my life right now first. And also testing my patience. Lots of patience testing. I think I failed that test.
May was the first month in a while that I didn't obsess. I decided not to worry anymore. I'm not saying I forgot I was trying to get pregnant, but I stopped obssing. May came and went and no period ever came. I was 15 days late, but tried not to get too excited because I had gotten up to 15 so many times in the past. Then came days 16, 17, and all the way to 20. I told Jensen I thought my boobs seemed a little bigger. (They're really small, so after that they still looked really small, and Jensen just said it was in my head).
I decided to finally buy another test. and then i accidentally bought a fertility test. The store is 15 min from our house so I was too lazy by the time I got home to make the 30 minute round trip drive and buy a new test. That weekend I went to walmart with Jensen and bought another pregnancy test. He told me to stop wasting money. :) I'm always embarassed to buy things like that, but still a little excited. Our cashier wished us luck when she was checking us out (thanks cashier!), and Jensen and I made our way home. That was Saturday June 15th. I read that if you're early in your pregnancy you are more likely to get a positive result by taking a test first thing in the morning so I decided to wait until the next morning.
Sunday June 16th (Father's Day) I took the test. And for the first time ever it was positive!!! My reaction was a little different than I expected. Mostly just shock and extremely shaky hands. I thought there would be a lot more crying. I ran into our bedroom and jumped in bed and told Jensen. and about a minute later skyped Suz to tell her. I think that's a pretty fantastic way to start Father's Day.